welcome to the world…

What a journey it’s been! I cannot believe how incredible it is to look at our little Redding and know she is finally here. Being a part of the process that is child-bearing- the creation, growing and delivering of a little life is the most amazing thing that God has allowed me to be a part of. Truly, there are no words to describe it. We were fortunate to have a smooth pregnancy but even then, there are always the worries that come along with it that plague the pregnant lady’s mind: I haven’t felt her move for a while- is she still alive? OMG, I just broke a CFL lightbulb and swept it up – did I just poison her with mercury? I painted the wall in the living room and it wasn’t well ventilated- is she going to have 6 toes now??  Were those tuna rolls I just ate a big no-no?? To have her here, safe and in our arms is a priceless feeling.

As I had shared, little Redding was breech and so we knew we’d be having a scheduled C-section. There were unknowns with that as well- was there a medical reason? Are her hips going to be okay?  Once I came to terms with this (not the most graceful process) we started talking with our doctor on how we could make the experience special.

It was a bit surreal driving to the hospital that day, knowing that she would be coming into the world. Not going through the laboring process takes a lot of uncertainty out of the picture, but major surgery brings another set of unknowns. By that morning I was pretty uncomfortable and having some contractions, and I wasn’t feeling her move a lot. I was feeling antsy and wanting her to just be here, as I know she was packed in there in a most uncomfortable position.

Once we got to the hospital and got checked in, they double checked her position to make sure she was still breech. After 10 weeks, I knew she hadn’t moved even though I heard those miraculous stories of babies turning right before their surgeries. There she was, bum down, head up and packed in tight like a sardine.

We had asked our doctor  if I could hold her skin to skin for immediate bonding after she came out assuming she was okay, before they took her and weighed her and did all the other newborn procedures. We felt like this was such an important element in the natural birth we were planning for, and this not common at all with C-sections to be able to do this. She was so great, and said she wanted to make this happen for us. We also planned to have music playing when she came out to associate a song with her birth, and for me to be able to see her being lifted out by dropping the curtain momentarily. At our last doc visit she said she’d have to get the OR team on board for this and that morning, she came bouncing in and said, “We have the BEST team today. Everyone is totally on board, and we are going to make this experience really special for you. I’ll meet you in the OR soon!” I instantly felt God’s hand over the entire thing, and Justin and I got our little shower cap and booties on and waited for the nurse to come back in to start my IV.

Nurse Miss-a-Lot seemed to lack a little confidence, or maybe she was a bit distracted, but I could tell it wasn’t going to be good. She tried to start my IV and blew my vein and blood dripped all over the floor. I formed a huge hematoma under it immediately and winced in pain. Seriously? I looked away, and Justin stood by and frustratingly watched (my husband is an excellent IV starter) and it took everything within him not to grab it from her. She absently said “sorry..so sorry” and went out to call in the big guns to come in and start it. Once we got that going, a lovely NP by the name of Christy came in to talk with us, and said she’d be leading the neonatal team and reviewed the things that would happen. She had an incredibly calming presence and while she was talking to me, she kept looking over at my monitor from the side of her eyes. Justin looked over at it as well, and I could tell something was going on. The baby’s heart rate had dropped from 140 to 50, and wasn’t coming back up. “Okay sweetheart, one moment, Im going to get the nurse.” All of a sudden, three nurses and my doctor appeared, and they started moving me around and put oxygen on me. “Okay, lets get ready to roll..” my doctor said. “It’s okay, she’s just having an episode… she isnt going to make it that easy for us today!” I began to genuinely freak out, panicking that she was in serious distress. Suddenly her heart rate bounced back up, and one the nurses said, “Roseann, you just had 4 contractions back to back- did you feel them? You are starting labor… i think the baby was pinching its cord somewhere and wasnt getting oxygen. It’s okay now.”  I kept asking Justin every two seconds, “Is her heart rate up? is she doing okay?”

From then on things moved in fast motion and I was propped up to get my spinal. I was most freaked out about this leading up to the surgery, but after bloody vein blow-out and heart rate freak-out this was nothing. I was shaking beforehand pretty bad, because it was so cold and because I was just so nervous about her heart rate dropping again. Justin put on our song (Alleluia, Sing! by David Crowder) and everyone got into position. Lovely Christy came over and said, “I love your music. We never get to hear Christian music in the OR- it’s like a worship service for your baby’s birth!” I knew there was something special about her. “Two minutes to baby time!” my doctor yelled out and Justin was jumping up and taking photos of me and then the baby coming out. Once they could see her, they found that her cord was very short and wrapped around her arm, making it impossible for her to turn. Ten weeks of trying and now it made sense! Oh sweet one, I’m sorry I didn’t know. I then felt a serious amount of pulling and yanking and my doctor yelled over to me: “Oh Roseann, she is so cute! Rosebud lips! Lots of hair! Chubby cheeks! She wins the cutest baby award today!” And then I heard it- the first cry…and I knew it was going to be okay. My heart swelled. They placed her on my chest and all I could do was smile uncontrollably, and thank God, over and over again. At that moment, the chorus of our song came on:

Like a song rising up
In your heart filling up
Like a heart’s not enough
For this love, for this love
To sing of love, to sing of love
To sing of love, love, love

Alleluia, majesty
Alleluia, King of Kings
Alleluia, angels sing

Alleluia, sing!

I couldnt have asked for more with Justin at my side..

I will never forget these first moments. I will never forget the incredible amount of love I felt for this tiny someone I had just met. I will never forget the overwhelming sense of thanksgiving and joy that welled up in my heart as I felt God’s provision and care over how perfectly formed Redd was.

A while ago I found this quote from a woman who had a cesarian birth with her first child, and I think it reflects perfectly how I will remember my birth experience with Redding:

“I look at my incision as a well-earned battle scar, in a fight I fought for my child. [It’s] more of a battle scratch now, and I wish that it was bigger to reflect how important it is. It is a visible, tangible sign that we belong to each other.”

Yes, we belong together. I love you sweet Redding.